Back to where I belong

It’s been quite a while since I have been here. Been long since I have written what I felt or blabbered what I wanted to. The last ten months have been bizarre in ways more than one. It was perhaps the longest writer’s block I’ve ever had or maybe the longest period of time when I was disconnected to the things around me and my own self. But this period has been the most crazy and different. This was perhaps the time when I found a little more about myself, met a lot of people who made a difference to my life and altered my thinking. With so much going on in life it was quite difficult to put across my thoughts in a cohesive manner. So what brought me here after ages? It’s not a sudden blast of creative idea or a poignant idea thought (infact on the contrary, it is everything except that!) but a casual chat with an old friend and encounter with a new friend of mine. And so I am here at 4.00 AM on a Sunday morning trying to put my thoughts across and see what I have got to say ( I am sure a lot of you would argue that I do not have a life and so all this…. May be yes or maybe not!!)

It all started with an old friend of mine saying that I haven’t changed a bit in years. Inspite of meeting her after ages, she was quick to observe that I have not changed in years. A remark that made me wonder if that meant good or bad. This friend has been with me since ever and has known me quite well over the years. For a moment it struck me as a comment that I wanted to chide away from. After all aren’t we supposed to change over a period of time? Aren’t we supposed to “evolve” with time and age? Or is it important that you don’t lose your true self irrespective of years and age? A perfect dilemma prevailed. We spoke at length about how things were back in college and how I was the “devil-may-care” and the go-getter kinda guy. A facet of mine I thought I had let go a long time back. In all these years after college I have had people tell me about me my passiveness in life and myself concerned approach. The fact that she still sees the madness in me made me realize the false impression I was under. What was more surprising was that I was under the biggest misconception that I have changed till someone else came and told me about me! I guess I was too lost within myself that I lost track who I was in actual. A good long talk with her made me realize that I need to come back to myself.

The next person I am talking about is a friend called Aditya . I met him sometime back at MAD and was quite surprise by his brazen yet considerate attitude. After speaking to him for some time now, this boy reminds me of what I was 5-6 years ago. His constant urge of being happy and not accepting the stale yardsticks of the society at large keeps reminding my years at college. My numerous random conversations with him made me realize carefree and fearless being I was. The mad quest to seek sanity and yet have the ability to be insane at times made me realize things I have let go of and helped me comeback to my old self.

It’s been a crazy few months for me, but the bright side is that I have probably come back to where I belong. Well at least I Hope!!

It’s been a comeback to self in a lot of ways! Hope this lasts for sometime!

Rammy